MTV and VH1 really have it in for me, putting the only two current shows I would ever watch on at the same time. My heart lies with RuPaul’s Drag Race, Season 10, followed immediately by Untucked.

But on Fridays, when the cabs are no longer here, I call them back on my Amazon Prime.

Because it’s t-shirt time, but probably NOT white t-shirt time with that spray tan.

I have had so many fake tanning experiences. I am pale, alabaster, mont blanc, vanilla snow, whatever you want to call it. I do not tan in the sun. But at-home fake never worked out. Jergens always looked splotchy. My mom had a bottle of god-knows-how-old Vaseline tanner I tried once and didn’t hate, but I could never apply it on my back, and it never lasted despite how long the application process takes. My stepmother comments on how ghostly my natural skin tone is every time I see her, so I got a spray tan before our vacation to Ireland and it went completely unnoticed and she STILL commented on how very pale I was. What a tragic waste of money that tan was. That ALL of them were.

Alas, I knew that my tans would never last and never look the way I wanted them to. If you apply your own fake tan, you know how it peels off in the most unnatural way possible. They are awful. You don’t want to be seen all beige zebra-d.

So, when you cue up Jersey Shore in the comfort of your own home, wanting to look tan, but fearing a bad tan that’ll have you calling in sick on Friday…have I got the (sponsored) product for you…

St. Moriz Instant Wash Off Self Tan (Walgreens, ~$12.99)

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